Motivate: Is Bribing Your Children For Good Behavior A Good Parenting Strategy?

Have you ever asked yourself, "how do I get my children to do the things they need to do?" or have you ever considered asking yourself, "how do I inspire my children to listen?"

In this YouTube video we find parents use bribery to motivate their children to get the type of outcomes the parents desire. Some parents in the news clip also admit to not really having a plan as to how they will motivate their children as they get older. There is a lot of research out there as to what is the best way to motivate your children. Let's take a look! 

          

As the psychologist noted in the video the same theme is mentioned in the article, "What's the Problem with Bribes?" The first paragraph of the article says, "The classic parent educator, Hiam Ginott, suggested "bribes seldom, if ever, inspire continued efforts." Alfie Kohn's book, "Punished by Rewards" conveys a similar theme. Bribes don't effectively motivate children in the long run. They buy temporary compliance, but do little to change the heart or long-term interest in the enterprise for which the reward has been given. Still, cultural traditions have long been at odds with this advice. Schools have used accelerated reading (A.R.) points and pizzas to encourage children to read. For centuries, parents have likely used treats, money, or extra privileges to motivate children. Even workplaces use bonuses, and other rewards to motivate employees. So what's the problem with bribes? And are all rewards bribes?"

While bribes work they do not last long in the long term. So what works? How can we motivate our children?

The article further states the following, "The problem comes when parents use rewards or punishments that are neither authentic nor logical. They are arbitrary and have no connection to the situation. Too often parents have a standard arbitrary consequence regardless of the situation. They have one tool in their parenting toolbox. In the situation above, grounding a child from television or computer access would be an arbitrary consequence that lacks the instructive focus of natural or logical consequences. Similarly, a logical reward for reading may be going to the library for another book or even seeing the movie version to compare with the book. Pizzas or other treats are arbitrary rewards unrelated to the situation. They are less instructive. They are less likely to change a child's long-termjnterest or heart towards reading. They are external motivators rather than internal ones. None-the-less, even external and arbitrary rewards influence behavior. But the goal of parenting is not manipulated obedience. Temporary compliance is not victory. The Prophet Moroni reminds us that gifts given grudgingly or without real intent profit us nothing (See Moroni 7:6-13). Our goal is to influence the hearts and minds of children i11 ways that they "have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually. (See Mosiah 5:2)."

It listed a few ideas to consider when motivating our children. We need to always redirect the focus on rewards or trophies given to our children on the authentic reward surrounding it. 

There were a few other suggestions as well that when we promise a reward before an action it can feel manipulative but instead if you decide to go grab ice-cream after a baseball game and say "Wow! You gave so much effort in tonight's game-Let's go for ice cream!" this is much more effective because it is after the fact and can produce gratitude. 

Another suggestion is to not always make rewards physical but to consider time, activities etc. "This will help children value relationships, opportunities, and doing--over owning."

In conclusion, the article sums up by saying, "Remember, our goal as parents is to help our children develop enduring interest and behaviors that will open the windows of heaven in their behalf. Actively teaching, modeling, and cultivating a love for the internal and authentic reasons for acting will help children become agents unto themselves. The scriptures teach, "Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward." (D&C 58:27-28)."

Refrences:

What's the Problem with Bribes?